The End

Namaste.

...so now what...

Namaste.

So here we are. In Six months we have discussed so much.

Anger, Love, Compassion, Control, Patience, Grief, Change and so much much more...

What do we do now?

We practice. We never stop because WE are the project. We are the Love and Light. We are the changes we want to see in Our World.

Be the Light in Your World.


The End...(which as we all know...it just another beginning)

Enlightenment

My favorite Zen to do list came from an obscure author.
It looked like this:

To Do:

1. Think About Life.

2. Enlightenment.

3. Feed The Cat.


or as Buddha once remarked

"Before Enlightenment...Carry water and Chop wood. After Enlightenment...Also Carry water and Chop wood."

Enlightenment is not the destination. It isn't "where we are going"...it is the Beginning and The End. The moment you realize it is a Circle, this life.

Christians talk a lot about rebirth or being reborn.

Enlightenment is also a rebirth of sorts. When you realize the oneness...and acknowledge that you are part of it. That life isn't a singular epiphany...but a series of daily epiphanies. That life isn't linear...but circular.

That each new day you are reborn.

That every moment is a gift.

That every person who has ever passed through your life was important. Either in the love they gave...the lessons they taught...or the memories they left.

That you are enough. 


That we are all Buddhas.


(...now go feed the cat...)



(((hugs)))

Carla


 

Mantra

                                                       "Lost"

This Too Shall Pass...

And it will. It does. The sun rises again and so do we.

Sometimes...just like the old saying...when you are up to your ass in alligators i is hard to remember you are there to drain the swamp.


 But it is vital to remember that this moment...no matter how painful...how chaotic...how hectic...how disorienting or maddening. This moment is just a MOMENT...and it will pass.

They ALL do.

Perhaps my most useful mantra is "Breathe"

Sometimes my mantra is "Well...this sucks." (...maybe, sometimes, that is your mantra, too...)

Mantras are important. They are a way of reminding ourselves. Centering ourselves. Some have a single one. Others, myself included, have many...sometimes a daily mantra. A way to focus on the important...the real...the necessary...the positive.

What is your mantra today?

(...it's early yet...I think mine might be coffee...)




Sending Love and Light,
Carla
 

Perspective

Most of us are sitting in air-conditioned surroundings, with a sturdy roof above us...sturdy walls around us...wall-to-wall carpeting...a refrigerator with good food and drinks...and ice at our fingertips...in the pantry is surplus food...dry goods...when we turn a faucet hot or cold water gushes forth. A flip of a switch illuminates our surrounding...brings us music...or the Internet...or heats our food instantly. We have closets of clothing...requiring only the effort it took to choose them...drawers filled to bursting...routinely clear our clutter into a box and take it to Goodwill or donate it.  There are medications to cure us. FDA and EPA to assure our food/drugs/air/water is not toxic. We can post a letter from anywhere in the United States and it arrives in California about 3 business days later. The process costs less that 50 cents. Our elderly can present a Medicare card at the doctor and 80% (sometimes more) of the bill is covered. The poorest of the poor in this country qualify and receive Medicaid/Food EBT so that they (and often their children do not go without food) We have numerous food pantries and even dry good essentials (diapers/cleaning supplies) to assist those who are truly in need.  We can order almost anything online and delivered to our door. We can set up travel arrangements, pay bills, book a hotel, or entertainment with a click of a mouse. Most of us have landlines and cell phones and we can contact one another in a blink of an eye. If we have an emergency we can dial 911 and help is on the way. Daily our scientists and research teams diligently work to find cures for disease...and ways to enhance our lives through gadgets and invention.
We have access to instant news from across the globe or down the street. We have access to almost infinite information digitally. With webcams and Skype we can see others (or places or events) we might never have seen otherwise in our lives. Many of us live in a Country where we are free to peacefully assemble...where we have the freedom of speech to criticize our leaders without being shot...where we can vote to retain or replace our Presidents/Congressmen/Representatives.    And the lists goes on and on and on...

Now...explain to me again why life is so terrible and we are all going to hell in a hand-basket?

Relief

With the first soft pattering sounds outside, I dropped the manuscript I was proofing and walked straight outside to sit on the crisp scorched grass. Let the raindrops collect in my hair...mist my face. Breathing deeply to capture all the smells.

Almost 50 days since our last drop of rain.

Although faithfully watering the flowers, herbs and baskets I planted in Spring...the rest of the surrounding area had turned first tan...then straw...and at last the colorless crispness of drought conditions.

Isn't it strange that we tend to take little events like a summer rain for granted...until we don't have one for almost 2 months. 

Oh sure...the first week of picture perfect blue sky sunless days we smile and soak up the sun. Then weeks pass. Temperatures rise. Basking is nice, if abbreviated...and we watch the skies for rainclouds. But today we sit in the delicious rainfall and the wetness revitalizes our soul...promises to bring back the grass...spare us the task of hauling water...and the smells...mud...earthworms...puddles.  The frogs dance in Hostas beside the pond.

And the sigh...is relief!

  

Moments

                    "We Do Not Remember Days...We Remember Moments"   
                                                                              Cesare Pavese



In our lifetime we can count on 35,536,100 seconds each year.  An average lifespan of 80 years gives us 2,522,880,000 seconds.

Some get more.

Some get less.

We use a full third of those seconds sleeping life away.

We spend another third working or pursuing the day to day tasks of living.
 Cleaning the house or buy the groceries and such...the day to day.

These are not the moments remembered.

There is a glorious 1/3 remaining.

The First Kiss.

A Moonlight Embrace.

The Taste of Grandpa's Homemade Ice Cream or Grandma's Cobbler

The First Sight Of The Ocean.

A Lover's Smile or Words.

The Smell of His or Her Cologne.

Walking in a new snowfall.

A Grandchild's hug. 
 
A Kiss in the Rain.

The first gaze on the face of your Newborn.

A Cold Glass of Tea after Putting up Hay.

A Walk through a meadow strewn with wildflowers and a wildflower bouquet.

And the list is endless. These are our memories...our moments...

This morning as I was leaving in the 100 degree heat...my eye caught the sight of a tiny hummingbird "playing" in the shell-arc droplets of a sprinkler. 

Another Moment frozen in time.

Life is short.

Watch for Your Moments :)

Adaptation

              "And then the day came, when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  Anais Nin



Or to paraphrase Steve another member of DS-

 "Life changed...So I decided it was time to change my life." 

In the Natural World, adaptation is usually linked to survival. In our lives it often plays a very similar role.  To survive and thrive requires a series of adjustments.Everyday there are adaptations (choices) to be made.

Some are scarcely perceptible.  We stop to mail a letter and the post-office is closed for an hour. So we mull it over for a moment...then maybe we walk to a nearby Cafe for a cup of coffee and maybe read a chapter or two in a book.

Some are more annoying. There is road-work on your usual route necessitating a detour daily until it is finished. Annoying but still manageable, as we scout for the best way to get around the roadblock until the month passes and the work is done.

Then there are the biggies. These can go unnamed. We all know what they are. The lifemoments that shake your core beliefs. Take away your firm foundation. Leave us dazed and confused. Or alone. Jobless. Or disabled. Homeless or Childless. Widowed. Orphaned.

 A Survivor.

And after the dust settles we realize that not only has everything changed. We have changed as well.

Perhaps a bit more assertive. Or a little less naive. A little more (or less) tolerant. Less trusting. Maybe we appreciate the little things more. Maybe we take less for granted. It's a process. And one size NEVER fits all.

So we stumble through the darkness toward the light, because if we look for it...there is always light.

And when we emerge...we are transformed. Just as tempered steel is given strength by the furnace and extreme heat. We are tempered. Stronger. And whereas our lives will never be "the same"...we can look forward and build the life we want today.

Companionship/Friends

Friends...so many shades of friendship...acquaintances...casual friends...golf buddies or car buddies...beer buddies...childhood friends...co-worker friends...professional friends...music/art/scrap-booking friends...book or cooking club friends...e-friends...travel friends...trail ride friends...family friends...best friends...for aways friends...close friends...friends who live miles away...married friends...college friends...companions or lovers.

Real friends...forever friends...love us...warts and all.  Maybe love us more because we aren't perfect. Want to lose the same 25 pounds...and maybe will...as soon as we both finish this delightful slice of chocolate cake. Real friends listen...and care...and love. Real friends have our backs. Because we always have theirs.

Real friends sometimes step on each others toes...but they apologize...laugh...and stumble on together. 

Real friends do not engage in Shadenfreude.  A German term which describes getting pleasure from the misfortune of another.


Real friends aren't superficial...go through a tough time...you will certainly find out who are really your friends.

Just like our need for Solitude...our need for Companionship is inherent. Whether we are introverts or extroverts our tribe instinct has existed since the dawn of mankind.  Some tend to gravitate toward people who are similar or have similar interests...some polar opposites. Most fall somewhere in the middle. 


Egotists have the most trouble finding or keeping friends. Because to have a friend you have to be a friend.  To be interested in someone other than yourself...and the minutia of your own life.  To let someone else shine. To cheer someone else on. To sometimes try or do something outside your own Comfort Zone because your friend wants to try it or travel there or experience something. To care about someone else.


Potential friends?

Everywhere.

 Across the street or down the hall...or across the Globe. At the grocery or Zumba class. In a group or online. A friend of a friend...or maybe just everyone you come in contact with everyday :)

The Universal Language?

A Smile

(...that one is simple...even infants pick up on it quickly...)

A joke...a shared interest...or commiserating together in the queue from Hell!


Keeping a friend.


Treat them the way you want to be treated. Let them shine and celebrate their achievements. Be there in the dark times and the light.  Let them know they are important to you. Be their cheerleader...and they will be yours. Sometimes just listen...not everything is able to be fixed...but everyone is able to listen and care.  Don't judge them, belittle them, humiliate them, chastise them  or ignore them.  People may forget what you said to them...but they will never forget how you made them feel.  


Many  "frenemies" are created just that way.

And "frenemies"?




Just send them love and light and wish them well 
                        as they travel their path in life!

Solitude

                                        French Quarter Courtyard: NOLA



Solitude is just as important to us as Companionship.


Solitude gives us time to think...to dream...to explore.  Time to do things we have always wanted to do.  Time to figure out exactly what those things might be.

Alone is not synonymous with lonely.  Sometimes people in the midst of their family or the midst of a crowd can be the loneliest people we know.

Sometimes we strive to fit in into our busy lives...other times we find ourselves thrust into it.

Nature abhors a vacuum and many people faced with solitude are panicked.
What to do...what to do next...what then...and how can I go to dinner or a movie (or a vacation) solo.

 If we are not comfortable with our own company...in our own skin...how can we possibly be comfortable in the company of others?

Soon, take a day of solitude. Think monastery. Maybe go that step further and take a vow of silence.

Wake with the sun and birds.  Fix a healthy breakfast. Wash your dish by hand. Take a walk. Observe. Really pay attention to life bustling around you. Explore. Dream. Learn something new. Try something new. Tend the flowers or garden. Read the paper at that al fresco Cafe enjoying their house lunch special. Take a Nap. Write a note. Or a poem. Or a song. Journal. Examine your feelings. Read a good novel while sipping Zin. Fix your favorite dinner. Consume it slowly. Savor every bite. Be mindful washing your dinner dishes by hand. Gratitude for the food strengthening your body. Take your time. Prepare a deep bubble bath and relax in it with candlelight and maybe a cup of tea or a bite of chocolate. Lotion your body. Towel dry your hair.  If it is cold...throw your quilt in the dryer. If it is hot...stuff your pillow in the freezer for a while. When it is dark...go to Sleep. 

Work your way up to a day trip...or a weekend getaway...somewhere you always wanted to see. Whether it is down the road or in Greece. Somewhere that has significance to you. If this is your first attempt at solo travel bring a journal to jot in or a camera to hide behind or a paperback to browse. A prop. It will slowly become more natural to you...until one day you may actually look forward to that week in New Orleans, or Athens, or Paris...just you...knowing that:

                                               "I AM ENOUGH"




Because LIFE...like your favorite meal 
                                        is meant to be consumed slowly...and savored
                                                                                                  to the last 
                                                                                                                bite.  










 

 

Word Search

A single word can say so much.

Evoke a feeling.

Describe a mood.

A time.

A person.

A place.

It can be a catalyst. Writers often use a word prompt to prime the creative well when it seems to have run dry. A single word leading to a 4,000 word essay.  Painting with words.

Take a minute today and think about your word (or words). What would your word be today?

Do you like it?

 If not...it is never too late to change it.

                                            Find your very own word!

Oneness

 The Interconnective Web that binds us all.

An effect named by Edward Lorenz, The Butterfly Effect is one of the central principles of Chaos Theory.

It reminds us that a small change at one place can result in large differences to a later state.

These days with our instant connectivity via the Internet/Trade system...our World is not only NOT an Island...it has morphed into bustling Global Village.

Certainly, we can choose to be Island-like...pretending that climate change...the falling Euro...the Middle East instability...et al...does not affect us.  But for all our closing of eyes and fingers stuck in our ears (la...la...lah) at the end of the day when the unseasonable heat or cold kills our crops/the raging flood or tornadoes destroy our homes/the price of everything we import rises...or gasoline reaches $5.00 a gallon there will come a time that we realize we are just another small part of the larger World, already in progress.

Or we can reach out. 

Educate ourselves.

Think Globally but Act Locally. Which is not just bumper-sticker material...but also a very good idea.

Make a small difference. Sometimes a small difference can transform a life.
Sometimes a small difference can transform many lives. 

Be a Butterfly...Flap Your Wings...Make a Difference!

Expectations

If Mindfulness is the key to Happiness...then Expectations are the key to Unhappiness. 

In Buddhism expectations may also be referred to as desires or attachments. 

It is difficult to retrain our mind to not expect.  Many of us live long lives of expectations. Great expectations. We expect to expect.
 It is a vicious circle.


The unhappiness (suffering) that is caused by unmet expectations is great.
Often even if our expectations are met...the reality is often anti-climatic and we feel a loss. 

Today we will explore letting go of expectations.

First holding up our mental stop sign we we feel one approaching.

Taking a few cleansing breaths and acknowledging that the emotion we are about to experience is "expectation".


Expectation and anticipation are different creatures. You can anticipate a wonderful adventure or a beautiful day with the family. When you expect it...it takes on a slight edge...an entitlement.

Realize to "expect" anything, requires a degree of control that we simply do not possess.

Learn to let go. Let life happen. Often if we let go and let life happen we open up to possibilities we never knew. 

Embrace the rain and the sunshine...both are necessary for growth. 

Take a moment to explore how others feel when we expect of them. Whether it be our friends/family/children or spouse.  How would we feel if instead of dinner on the table being appreciated and anticipated...it was expected.

Does take the joy right out of throwing on the old apron doesn't it?


When we expect from others...they feel much the same.

As a nurse I saw this with the elderly more times than you could imagine.  Grown children who juggled schedules to visit...only to be met with half hour grumbles about

"Why can't you be more like Louise's children...they stop by twice a week and last week they bought flowers and candy?"

-then the conversation turns to a litany of complains/aches/pains and grumbles or old family issues-

And by the time the Adult Child leaves they are exhausted. Hell...by the time they leave I am exhausted, too.

And then Mom or Dad will look at me...tears glistening in their eyes and say

"I don't know WHY they don't visit more often." 

Really?


 And the saddest part of all is that they "really-don't-get-it".  Many of them never get it.  

And playing Devil's Advocate for a moment...the grown kids have their unrealistic expectations, too.  Instead of seeing the frail often physically and emotionally drained person in front of them- they keep seeing or searching for the Mom or Dad that once was...and it is frustrating for everybody. 



Today's lesson:



Stop expecting and start living in the now...enjoy life as it unfolds...love people for who they are...not how we wish them to be...

Perfection

                                 
                                       
     While spending a week at the Happiest Place on Earth with my son years ago (...hey it must be true...Mickey Mouse told me so...) I woke one morning extremely early to walk the grounds of The Coronado Hotel. It was perfectly placed in the middle of Mouse World with a large (man-made) lake in the center of its own manicured splendor. Nothing was left to chance, from the rolling carpet of St. Augustine grasses...to the sugar white sand that surrounded the lake lagoon style. Hammocks were suspended artfully in the shade of carefully planted (certainly not indigenous) Royal Palms.  A Mayan Temple sprouted/loomed amidst a tangle of both artificial (resin) and real jungle vines. Flowers bloomed profusely, throughout.

Back to the walk. 

In the breaking dawn the grounds-keeping crew was already hard at work. Plants that were straggly or encroaching were being quickly brought in line. Flowers with the slightest wilt or droop were being dead-headed. Cleaners and polishers and even the occasional paint-touch up.  I half expected to see The Queen of Hearts demanding the roses be painted red (...or off with your heads!!!)
By the time the sumptuous breakfast was served in the faux Plaza-Marketplace complete with mariachi music and resin braids of chilies hanging from the vendor stalls...everything was perfect.

Just another day at Disney.

The perfection, of course, was an illusion.  Created by countless numbers of committees...man hours...gardeners...paint...and dollars...but still an illusion.

Real life is messy. It is straggly plants and wilted flowers along with a beautiful tea rose from time to time. Few of us have cleaners and polishers. Most of us ARE the cleaners and polishers.  It is Kroger's...Walmart and Aldi's...and if we want the sumptuous breakfast we stand over a stove and cook it. Well, at least our chili braids are real.

Just for the moment...forget the Glossies...the air-brushed perfection...the re-touched photos...the glittering trompe l'oeil that is unattainable and appreciate the real that surrounds you on a daily basis. Real is the baby getting sick on your outfit minutes before you leave for work...and you love him, anyway.

Is getting away and enjoying moments of faux perfection enjoyable? Certainly. But  steady diet of it would be as unpalatable as those plastic chilies.

Forget striving for perfection. Strive to be perfectly REAL.






 

Mother

Mother. 

Face it. Is any word more emotionally ladened. Our Mother is our friend...our confidant...our role model...our first relationship...dispenser of advice, hugs and band-aids...the person who will have your back when the world has walked away- (Even Timothy McVeigh's mom brought out the oh-so-cute photos on the black and white pony of the early 60's just before he was executed for the horrific Oklahoma Bombing- if only to show us that he wasn't just a monster...he was also once her darling...loved... little boy.)

Yes...our Mother's are our World-

Except when they aren't.

By now we must realize that everyone's childhood is not a Hallmark Moment.

It is with this in mind that I would like to share a snippet of my memoir entitled:  Like Smoke Through A Keyhole.

  -->

"Nothing was ever consistent. Or safe.

The same comment or action that garnered a smile or a piece of homemade cake yesterday, could very well be the one that got me thrown across the room and kicked in the ribs the next. By the time I was 10, she had fractured both of my forearms and cracked several ribs. She cut Grandpa’s worn leather work belt into straps which she used interchangeably on both the dogs and myself on her bad days. Lies were told to the school so I didn't have to strip for gym and reveal the welts from the night before. By fourteen she had held a handgun on me threatening to end both our lives. I stayed quiet, terrified, and gone whenever possible."

 So...this Cafe Moment is for everyone who has ever browsed the Mother's Day Cards and under their breath muttered 

                                            "...yeah...right...as if"

But...as my Grandfather always said:

"If ya keep pickin' at it...ain't never going to HEAL."

And that is sound advice whether it is a scab on your knee from a bike fall...a lost love...or the Mother you wished existed but never quite did.

So...it has taken a lot of Zen...but Buddhism has taught me how to re-frame...to look at my childhood through new eyes...to drop the expectations that could never have been met, anyway. To sift through and remember the moments when she tried to be a good mother (and I believe with all my heart she did try)...and let the rest winnow away like chaff.

She had a rough life. Her own mother (by numerous outside accounts) was horribly abusive...she continued the cycle by marrying her first husband...horribly abusive and an alcoholic...lost several babies...and had raised her surviving son (...my biological father...as she was actually my Grandmother) alone for years)...the same son who had a baby at 17...today she would have been labeled bipolar....and still she took me on just when she turned forty and life was turning around.  Suddenly there she was at 40 with a two year old...starting all over.
I couldn't have done it.
I wouldn't have done it.

Perspective.

And so I broke the chain of abuse.

 Raised three pretty amazing boys. Tried to be the Mother (and now the Grandmother) that I always wished I had. And on Mother's Day, I send her love and light. When she died ( as I believe in reincarnation) I like to think she was reborn into a happier...better...loving life and that it is easier for her. That she has a Mother that ties ribbons in her hair and bakes cookies instead of one that scarred her for life by chucking a piece of stove-wood at her when she was just five. The mother who beat and berated her. The mother who scarred her (emotionally) so much much worse.

So today...if you have (or had) a Hallmark Mom. Be so grateful.

And if not...send them love and light...and remember...it is NEVER too late for a Happy Childhood...or to give One to Others...

Happy Mother's Day! 

 

LOOK

It was right there in our Dick and Jane book.

"Look"

Today, we need to stop and "LOOK" again.

Look for what makes us the happiest.

Look for what we can do to make others happy.

Look for the good in everyone...and in life.

Look for the most positive solution.

Look for people less fortunate than yourself...then look for ways to help.

Look for the bright side...there always is one.

Look for the lesson...or the answer.

But above all...LOOK!

The Ultimate To-Do List

I absolutely loved this!

What is on YOUR to-do list?

Relax

My Favorite Quote from Kurt Vonnegut's Man Without a Country goes something like this:

"We are here on this Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."

Published in 2005...only two years before his own death...Kurt had the right idea.

Moodling...putzing...puttering...noodling...or farting around...it is all the same. The fine art of relaxing and doing nothing.


Or at least, not things we should, ought to, or are required to do!

There is plenty of time to be busy. To be productive. To do. So for today...or maybe soon...let's give ourselves permission to BE instead of DO.

Moodle with your paints.

Putz on the Golf Course.

Putter with some Photography.

 Noodle on your Guitar.

Fart around in the Flowers.

Be instead of do. 

Remember...we are human be-ings...not human do-ings.

                                                                                                Namaste!

Finding Fault

In life...we often concentrate on what is wrong. What we lack or perceive to lack. The carelessness of others. Often we teach our children much like school marms of old. By brightly circling their mistakes in red...often we do the same to our friends and loved ones.

What is it about us...that makes us so quick to find fault? To point out others short-comings while conveniently ignoring our own. To feel the need to "catch" the wrong or error's of another.  Often the very same faults we have displayed.

To "Police the Universe".

Perhaps control?  Or (more likely) our feelings of a lack of control?

This may be a good time to re-read the essay on Control.

Life is too short to continually focus on the wrongs of the world.Think how wonderful life would be...and perhaps other's responses to you...if you used the bright red crayon (and maybe yellow and blue, too) to circle the rights in life. The beauty all around us. Not only in the extraordinary...but in the common place.

Seek out the beauty.

Seek out the good.

Be the love and light.

Share Happiness with others.

Practice Compassion.

Laugh.

Love.

Live.

And for those that persist in circling your errors in red...send them love and light, everyday...

                     For they need it the very most. 

Spreading Our Wings

If water sits too long it becomes stagnant.

People can stagnate as well. 

Life's journey can be summed up by lessons learned/knowledge accumulated. However, the process can be exhilarating!

Buddha reminds us that each day is a new beginning. We are invited to live each day to the fullest...as though it were our first and our last.

Write that poem or novel or essay. Not a best-seller? Who cares! Plant that garden or flower-bed. Cut or grow your hair. Change life up. Read that classic or new novel. Reach out...take a chance. Shock the neighbors. Shock yourself. Learn a language. Try a new recipe. Grab those paints or that clay and create. Knit or crochet a snood. Take up an instrument. Have a glass of wine. Ride your bike to work. Build a Pergola. Order Chinese carry-out in Chinese :)  Moodle. Re-vamp your wardrobe. Buy a sassy hat. Re-Decorate. Listen to a different type of music for the day. Learn a new word. Use it everywhere! Introverted...seek out a crowd...throw a party. Extroverted...take a day of silent meditation. Take a vow of whatever. Step outside your comfort zone. Learn about cultures/religions/people different than your own. Borrow a puppy or kitten or small child for the day. Look at the world through the eyes of a five year old.  Laugh more...play more...explore.

Spread Your Wings! 


                      If not now...when?

Laughter

Laughter. LOL's. LMAO. ROFLMAO. ROFLMAOPMP.  CTMN. (coffee through my nose)

The multi-purpose emotive. Natural anti-depressant/mood elevator. Natural stress reliever. Natural diffuser. The key to a healthier mind/body/center.  No trips to the doctor. No prescription needed. A finely honed sense of humor requires no additional space/luggage and can accompany you anywhere at anytime. Don't leave home without it.

More Rx's should read:

Take two or more belly laughs...and you probably won't need to call me in the morning.

What is funny. Almost everything when viewed askewed.

Stuck in traffic or in a queue at the store. Try awfulizing. The very worst case most absurd scenario you can come up with

"The guy with the walker has passed us in traffic again...and now I am stuck in this queue at the market and I think the woman in front of me clearly has 1,650 items in a line that is marked 20 or less...at this rate they will find my skeletal remains clutching this pork roast I picked up for dinner."

Take a few minutes to peruse the comics or the forwards in e-mail...find a laugh...share a laugh.

Search for the nugget of humor in any situation. There usually is one. Even in Auschwitz there was humor among the death camps...black humor...but humor nonetheless.  Surely, if Victor Frankl could find moments of levity- we can in our everyday lives.

Rent or buy a good comedy DVD.

See your favorite live stand-up comedian.

Make an effort to see the humor in life.

 Be the first to laugh at your mistakes...everyone may follow...but it will be in a much nicer fashion.

Don't worry so much...strive to be happy!

Laugh.






 

Blooming (wherever) we are PLANTED

Life is a lot like a Garden. For many- life started in an amazing garden...with us as the caretakers. Some believe in the Big Bang and primordial soup tinged with blue-green algae...others believe a little of both or have entirely different outlooks all together. It is okay. We have many Paths. In the big Picture we are all ONE.

Whether this is your theological mindset or not- Life is a lot like a garden...and people are often a great deal like plants. Some transplant (or adapt to change) more readily than others. Some put down deep roots. Others shallow ones content to be moved from garden to garden. Some thrive in the shade and wilt in the sun. Some stretch far above like a sunflower...making us smile as we pass. Some are like bulbs...unremarkable on the outside but beautiful within.  Others more like Sumac or Poison Ivy...beautiful and scarlet in the fall...delightful to look at...but watch out! Still others are roses.

Some plants...like people...do best with others.

Some prefer to have the corner of the garden to themselves.

Some are like "Zebra-grass or Creeping Crepe Myrtle" and have to have defined boundries or they just take over...and crowd everything else out.

Many are labeled as "weeds" and intrusive and pulled or discarded. People, too.
The sames "weeds" that are revered elsewhere as flowers. Weediness being entirely subjective.

Unlike plants- we have a choice whether we break or bend. We can come in from the sun or seek warmth and shelter from the storms. Just as plants benefit from pruning or pinching back...sometimes we seem to re-double our efforts to grow after a crisis or unexpected twist or turn in our journey through life.

We are all beautiful. Whether bulbs or roses, or even common day-lilies .

We have the ability to BLOOM wherever we are planted. Root where ever we are dropped. Give others happiness as they wander through our gardens.

Just something to think about.

What kind of flower/tree/sprout or weed are you?

Peace

Peace.

Whether it is World Peace...Peace on Earth...Peace of Mind...or (somedays) just
"5 minutes peace"...it all starts the same.  

Within.

When life appears to be spiraling out of control...whether it is the sadness you feel while watching the evening news...or trying to make sense of your marriage or relationship or life choices...the sulky teenager or just  the younger kids who have bickered and whined the last half hour...you can find peace.

Actually, it has been there all along. 


First we use our mental stop-sign

Then we close our eyes take a few cleansing breaths.

                                                          Centering.

World News is a lot like anything we put in our body. It follows the GIGO Principle. Garbage in/Garbage out.  Much of what we watch/read today is sensationalized to elicit a strong response...and it does. Much is filtered through an agenda (be it left or right) and seemingly gone are the days of Walter Cronkite and "That's the Way It Is"  In fact journalism in general has fallen by the wayside and been replaced by semi-factoids and sound bites.

Buddha reminded us centuries ago:

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."






Good advice 2,500 years ago...and today.


It is important to balance the bad news with the good. Seek out positive news as well. 

If you read/hear something that particularly disturbs you. Research it.  Use multiple sources from multiple points of view. Is it accurate?  If it is...is there something you can do to help find a solution? Make it better.

Note: I did not say "fix" here.

  With World News it is overwhelming and unrealistic to think you can fix the problem. Although we can't personally "fix" or control global actions like war or hunger...we can contribute to the solution of those problems. Our feelings of helplessness or inability to make a difference is what disturbs our peace.

Is there something you can engage in on a local level?

Can you become more politically active?

Can you spare cash/resources/personal time?

Act.

As Ghandi said:

                    "Be The Change You Wish To See In The World."


Peace in our relationships/marriage/life required the similar consideration.

Most of our problems are self-created.  Through expectations/neglect/anger/thoughtlessness/impatience. Then when problems arise we compound the trouble (and sabotage our own peace of mind) by attempting to assign blame instead of "owning" our troubles.

Simplified, instead of discovering ways that we might modify our behavior/thoughts/expectations to improve our situation we spend inordinate amounts of time thinking somehow we can (or should be able) to control others. 

We often attempt to label others to justify our unhappiness. Does this change anything or give us peace of mind? Or does it just fuel the flames? 

Ghandi had an insightful quote about these situations:


 "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

                                         
The sulky teenager or bickering six year olds?

Dispersing the single most important piece of parenting advice I have:

Never Engage.


Am I saying to let them do whatever they want? Certainly not. A valuable lesson I learned as a psychiatric nurse (and later wrote a paper on) is entitled:

Teenagers, Two Year Olds and Psychiatric Patients

To summarize the paper...the dynamics are much the same. None of the three will EVER stop...reflect...and then look at you and say:

"I was mistaken...you are absolutely correct."

They will, however, argue you to dust. And before long people outside the situation will have a difficult time knowing who is the teen, the two year old, the psych patient, or you.

 State your objectives. Then stop talking. Refuse to be dragged into a debate. Walk away if necessary. Listen. Consider. Compromise if possible. But never engage.

Often all three can be managed by effective diversion.  Or listening. Or mutual compromise.

                       (for everything else there is duct tape)
                                           Just kidding!

 

Just remember peace within...
                                                becomes peace in our lives.

Karma

Karma...many meanings to many people. In the Hindu and Yogic belief system karma is accumulated through various incarnations and may or may not occur at any time. A series of complex punishments/rewards system. Often the notion of karma is used as a self-satisfying judgment. Karma is a bitch or karma will get him/her. As momentarily satisfying as the thought may be- this is not dharma.

In Zen Buddhism dharma is basically cause and effect. Karma itself is neutral...neither good or bad. It simply is. Nothing mystical. Nothing personal. Not something we can wish on others. We are only responsible for our own.  Like everything else in life- karma is just another tool for learning.

 Example:

We leave our car unlocked in a large city.

We come back and our personal items have been stolen.

(...this is our dharma...)

and maybe we have learned to lock our doors.  (this is our lesson)

The thief may later be arrested as stealing is a crime.

(...that would be his/her dharma...)

and perhaps it will teach him/her not to steal. (this is his/her lesson)


Do all thieves get caught?  No.

But it is not of our concern. Our lesson is locking the doors.  Any thoughts on the subject further than our lesson is just another attempt to micro-manage the world...which is impossible.

Not FAIR...you say...

Remember...FAIR is a place to get elephant ears, taffy apples and cotton candy.

Fair is rarely synonymous with reality. If we stop looking for fair...we will be much happier in life.


Embrace dharma...and be grateful for the life-lessons it gives us.

Happiness

The Buddha shares a sutta of a man who came demanding happiness.



"I Want Happiness" he said loudly. His demeanor anything but happy.

Still The Buddha replied, "Follow me."

First, instructed The Buddha...you must drop the "I"...because that is ego.

Next...you must drop the "Want" as that is attachment and desire.

Then you will find that all you have left is Happiness.
                     
                                          ___________________


Yes...hard as it is to believe...at this very moment we have everything we will ever need or want to be happy.

It is the "being happy" that we need to practice.

Learn to turn off life's incessant wants.

Learn to look for the little things in life...for they are the big things.

Learn that everything and everyone is impermanent. 

Learn that all we have at any given moment is the moment itself.


Smile...and give one to others if their's is missing.

Give and Receive Love.

Don't try to be a perfect copy of someone else...be yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to others. It serves no purpose.

Practice compassion...for others and yourself.



 Be Happy!

Simple Pleasures

Just wanted to share:

Simple Pleasures.  (Sarah's list)

Life Rules for Happiness:

Cultivate Gratitude.

Take an hour out of each day for solitude.

Begin and end each day with prayer, meditation or reflection.

Keep it Simple.

Keep your house picked up.

Don't Over-schedule.

Strive for realistic deadlines.

Never make promises you can't keep.

Allow an extra half hour for everything you do.

Create quiet surroundings at home and work.

Go to bed at 9:00 twice a week.

Always carry something interesting to read.

Breathe- Deeply and often.

Move- walk, run or dance, everyday.

Drink pure spring water- lots of it.

Eat only when hungry.

If it's not delicious, don't eat it.

Be instead of do.

Set aside one day a week for rest and renewal.

Laugh more often.

Luxuriate in your senses.

Always opt for comfort.

If you don't love it, live without it.

Let Mother Nature nurture.

Don't answer the telephone during dinner.

Stop trying to please everybody.

Start pleasing yourself.

Stay away from negative people.

Don't squander precious resources: time, creative energy, emotions.

Nurture friendships.

Don't be afraid of your passions.

Approach problems as challenges.

Honor your aspirations.

Set achievable goals.

Surrender expectations.

Savor beauty.

Create Boundaries.

For every yes, let there be a no.

Don't worry. Be Happy.

Remember, happiness is a living emotion.

Exchange security for serenity.

Care for your soul.

Cherish your dreams.

Express love every day.

Live in the moment.

Guaranteed to change your life!

Self-Care

There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub.            Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


During our lives we care for many. Our children...perhaps our spouses...our parents...their parents...possibly our grandchildren...pets...and the list goes on and on.

During a similar time mid-life I read a poem that spoke volumes to me...the poem...First Fig: by Edna St. Vincent Millay

 "My candle burns at both ends...it will not last the night...but oh my foes and oh my friends...it gives a lovely light."

Many of us spread ourselves so thin...burning our candles at "both ends" that all too soon our lovely light is extinguished. We disappear.

Not physically, of course.

No- we are still here. But our light is gone.

We aren't just burnt...we are burnt out.  About as much fun to be around as the Battan Death March.

We can't care for anyone...if we refuse to care for ourselves.

In nursing we were alloted so many (paid) Mental Health Days. Encouraged to take a short break every few months to recharge.

Think back to the last time you allowed yourself time to recharge.

Today...take the time to step outside yourself.  If you saw a friend or co-worker who was frazzled what advice would you give them?

Think about what you do for everyone else on a daily basis...and try to extend that same level of love, care and support to yourself.

Change your scenery...if you truly can't organize a "getaway" at least treat yourself...gather a few items and lower the lights and take your own spa bath...indulge in a facial or a manicure or a pedicure or massage...paint your toenails...try a new hairstyle...indulge in that chocolate sundae...remember a long lost passion and renew it- whether it be painting or writing or photography or ?

Do something to re-capture the essence of you.


Today!




love and light,


Carla

 

Love

                             


Love  (noun) [lhuv]

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend, animal or thing.

3.Sexual passion or desire.

4. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

So much for the dictionary. 

  

We know what it feels like...and what the loss of it feels like...and we toss the term about freely...we love our parents...our kids...our siblings...our spouse or lover...the dog or cat...but we also love ice cream...and the latest novel by our favorite author...the perfect sweater we bought last week...and barbecued ribs!

Yes, we certainly know how to love.

Or do we?

Over thirty years ago I heard a definition I thought summed LOVE up pretty well when a friend/lover told me: 

"Love...is when someone else's needs become greater than your own." 

Many years later another friend/lover would teach me that:

"Love has very little to do with the way you feel about someone...and EVERYTHING to do with the way they make you feel about yourself."

And in the 18 years of my marriage (and death of my husband) I learned that love can be forever. Beyond the grave.

And that all three statements are essentially true.

I know what love isn't.  It isn't selfish...or a declaration of ownership...or hateful...or vindictive...or conditional...or controlling... it is not to be taken for granted or withheld...or used as a tool to get what we want...it isn't battering or abusive no matter how sorry they are the next day...it isn't 50%-50%...and it sure as hell isn't never having to say you are sorry. It isn't perfect. It is a process. 


Forget about love being a noun. Love is a verb. Living and growing as we live and grow.

Who should we love?

EVERYONE

Our family/lovers/friends...ourself...our neighbors...the postman and clerk and the people that make up our daily round...the stranger on the street...those we have not met and those we will meet...even our enemies. Perhaps our enemies need our love and light most of all. 

Does it happen overnight?

No.

Will it always be accepted? 

Probably not.

   
 But as the Buddha teaches, the acceptance or rejection is not of our concern. We have no control over the accepting. We only have control over the giving.

We all carry love and light within. We have only to shine.

 

 

 

        

Gratitude

         If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," 
                                                                                           that would suffice.           
                                                                                                                    ~Meister Eckhart



Gratitude. 


When our children are young we take time to teach them to say "thank you". Even if it is that homemade knitted sweater from Aunt Mona that they wouldn'tbecaughtdeadwearing.
They say thank you because it isn't about some lumpy bumpy sweater that the cat will find delightful in its basket. The thank you is for the love...the effort...the hours spent...the smile on Auntie's face when the receiver of her handiwork finds something...anything to compliment about the gift.

                                 "Fuchsia and Turquoise...the colors are just so beautiful and bright, Aunt Mona!"


And as they leave...hugs all around...the kids are smiling...Auntie is smiling...and when the sweater lines the cat's basket...well...the cat will probably be smiling, too.  Cat's aren't nearly as fashion conscious as 12 year olds.

 Later...as life gets more complex...gratitude...for many is tossed by the wayside...much like the fuchsia and turquoise sweater.  


Gratitude replace by grumbles. 


And make no mistake about it...we know how to grumble...only too well. The steak isn't done enough...the coffee is cold...it is too hot or too cold...we are too fat or too thin...and we never have enough...enough love...enough attention...enough money...enough time...and the list goes on forever. 

Today...let's try to refocus.

 Breathe.


Instead of honing in on our self-perceived failures...disappointments...losses...take the time to reflect on all the things that we truly have to be grateful about. 

Picture a large pink translucent bubble. 

Perhaps we begin with our families, our children, our friends & the people we love, our health, our furry or scaly or finned friends, a roof over our head, the food in the pantry,  and our bubble of gratitude expands...expands to envelop the waitress that served our morning coffee...the lady that cuts our hair...the guy that delivers the mail.


Now imagine that the pink bubble's capacity to expand is infinite. 

That, with a little imagination, reflection and effort we can be grateful for
everything...and share that gratitude...that warm feeling...a smile with every living being we encounter. 


That is easy to say...but what about the difficult people? Those who just rub us the wrong way...or have betrayed us...or injured us...or we just plain don't like? 


Even they deserve our gratitude. Even if it is only for the lesson learned. Perhaps they need our love and light even more. Like Aunt Mona's sweater.  




Practice with your pink bubble today...