Spreading Our Wings

If water sits too long it becomes stagnant.

People can stagnate as well. 

Life's journey can be summed up by lessons learned/knowledge accumulated. However, the process can be exhilarating!

Buddha reminds us that each day is a new beginning. We are invited to live each day to the fullest...as though it were our first and our last.

Write that poem or novel or essay. Not a best-seller? Who cares! Plant that garden or flower-bed. Cut or grow your hair. Change life up. Read that classic or new novel. Reach out...take a chance. Shock the neighbors. Shock yourself. Learn a language. Try a new recipe. Grab those paints or that clay and create. Knit or crochet a snood. Take up an instrument. Have a glass of wine. Ride your bike to work. Build a Pergola. Order Chinese carry-out in Chinese :)  Moodle. Re-vamp your wardrobe. Buy a sassy hat. Re-Decorate. Listen to a different type of music for the day. Learn a new word. Use it everywhere! Introverted...seek out a crowd...throw a party. Extroverted...take a day of silent meditation. Take a vow of whatever. Step outside your comfort zone. Learn about cultures/religions/people different than your own. Borrow a puppy or kitten or small child for the day. Look at the world through the eyes of a five year old.  Laugh more...play more...explore.

Spread Your Wings! 


                      If not now...when?

Laughter

Laughter. LOL's. LMAO. ROFLMAO. ROFLMAOPMP.  CTMN. (coffee through my nose)

The multi-purpose emotive. Natural anti-depressant/mood elevator. Natural stress reliever. Natural diffuser. The key to a healthier mind/body/center.  No trips to the doctor. No prescription needed. A finely honed sense of humor requires no additional space/luggage and can accompany you anywhere at anytime. Don't leave home without it.

More Rx's should read:

Take two or more belly laughs...and you probably won't need to call me in the morning.

What is funny. Almost everything when viewed askewed.

Stuck in traffic or in a queue at the store. Try awfulizing. The very worst case most absurd scenario you can come up with

"The guy with the walker has passed us in traffic again...and now I am stuck in this queue at the market and I think the woman in front of me clearly has 1,650 items in a line that is marked 20 or less...at this rate they will find my skeletal remains clutching this pork roast I picked up for dinner."

Take a few minutes to peruse the comics or the forwards in e-mail...find a laugh...share a laugh.

Search for the nugget of humor in any situation. There usually is one. Even in Auschwitz there was humor among the death camps...black humor...but humor nonetheless.  Surely, if Victor Frankl could find moments of levity- we can in our everyday lives.

Rent or buy a good comedy DVD.

See your favorite live stand-up comedian.

Make an effort to see the humor in life.

 Be the first to laugh at your mistakes...everyone may follow...but it will be in a much nicer fashion.

Don't worry so much...strive to be happy!

Laugh.






 

Blooming (wherever) we are PLANTED

Life is a lot like a Garden. For many- life started in an amazing garden...with us as the caretakers. Some believe in the Big Bang and primordial soup tinged with blue-green algae...others believe a little of both or have entirely different outlooks all together. It is okay. We have many Paths. In the big Picture we are all ONE.

Whether this is your theological mindset or not- Life is a lot like a garden...and people are often a great deal like plants. Some transplant (or adapt to change) more readily than others. Some put down deep roots. Others shallow ones content to be moved from garden to garden. Some thrive in the shade and wilt in the sun. Some stretch far above like a sunflower...making us smile as we pass. Some are like bulbs...unremarkable on the outside but beautiful within.  Others more like Sumac or Poison Ivy...beautiful and scarlet in the fall...delightful to look at...but watch out! Still others are roses.

Some plants...like people...do best with others.

Some prefer to have the corner of the garden to themselves.

Some are like "Zebra-grass or Creeping Crepe Myrtle" and have to have defined boundries or they just take over...and crowd everything else out.

Many are labeled as "weeds" and intrusive and pulled or discarded. People, too.
The sames "weeds" that are revered elsewhere as flowers. Weediness being entirely subjective.

Unlike plants- we have a choice whether we break or bend. We can come in from the sun or seek warmth and shelter from the storms. Just as plants benefit from pruning or pinching back...sometimes we seem to re-double our efforts to grow after a crisis or unexpected twist or turn in our journey through life.

We are all beautiful. Whether bulbs or roses, or even common day-lilies .

We have the ability to BLOOM wherever we are planted. Root where ever we are dropped. Give others happiness as they wander through our gardens.

Just something to think about.

What kind of flower/tree/sprout or weed are you?

Peace

Peace.

Whether it is World Peace...Peace on Earth...Peace of Mind...or (somedays) just
"5 minutes peace"...it all starts the same.  

Within.

When life appears to be spiraling out of control...whether it is the sadness you feel while watching the evening news...or trying to make sense of your marriage or relationship or life choices...the sulky teenager or just  the younger kids who have bickered and whined the last half hour...you can find peace.

Actually, it has been there all along. 


First we use our mental stop-sign

Then we close our eyes take a few cleansing breaths.

                                                          Centering.

World News is a lot like anything we put in our body. It follows the GIGO Principle. Garbage in/Garbage out.  Much of what we watch/read today is sensationalized to elicit a strong response...and it does. Much is filtered through an agenda (be it left or right) and seemingly gone are the days of Walter Cronkite and "That's the Way It Is"  In fact journalism in general has fallen by the wayside and been replaced by semi-factoids and sound bites.

Buddha reminded us centuries ago:

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."






Good advice 2,500 years ago...and today.


It is important to balance the bad news with the good. Seek out positive news as well. 

If you read/hear something that particularly disturbs you. Research it.  Use multiple sources from multiple points of view. Is it accurate?  If it is...is there something you can do to help find a solution? Make it better.

Note: I did not say "fix" here.

  With World News it is overwhelming and unrealistic to think you can fix the problem. Although we can't personally "fix" or control global actions like war or hunger...we can contribute to the solution of those problems. Our feelings of helplessness or inability to make a difference is what disturbs our peace.

Is there something you can engage in on a local level?

Can you become more politically active?

Can you spare cash/resources/personal time?

Act.

As Ghandi said:

                    "Be The Change You Wish To See In The World."


Peace in our relationships/marriage/life required the similar consideration.

Most of our problems are self-created.  Through expectations/neglect/anger/thoughtlessness/impatience. Then when problems arise we compound the trouble (and sabotage our own peace of mind) by attempting to assign blame instead of "owning" our troubles.

Simplified, instead of discovering ways that we might modify our behavior/thoughts/expectations to improve our situation we spend inordinate amounts of time thinking somehow we can (or should be able) to control others. 

We often attempt to label others to justify our unhappiness. Does this change anything or give us peace of mind? Or does it just fuel the flames? 

Ghandi had an insightful quote about these situations:


 "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

                                         
The sulky teenager or bickering six year olds?

Dispersing the single most important piece of parenting advice I have:

Never Engage.


Am I saying to let them do whatever they want? Certainly not. A valuable lesson I learned as a psychiatric nurse (and later wrote a paper on) is entitled:

Teenagers, Two Year Olds and Psychiatric Patients

To summarize the paper...the dynamics are much the same. None of the three will EVER stop...reflect...and then look at you and say:

"I was mistaken...you are absolutely correct."

They will, however, argue you to dust. And before long people outside the situation will have a difficult time knowing who is the teen, the two year old, the psych patient, or you.

 State your objectives. Then stop talking. Refuse to be dragged into a debate. Walk away if necessary. Listen. Consider. Compromise if possible. But never engage.

Often all three can be managed by effective diversion.  Or listening. Or mutual compromise.

                       (for everything else there is duct tape)
                                           Just kidding!

 

Just remember peace within...
                                                becomes peace in our lives.

Karma

Karma...many meanings to many people. In the Hindu and Yogic belief system karma is accumulated through various incarnations and may or may not occur at any time. A series of complex punishments/rewards system. Often the notion of karma is used as a self-satisfying judgment. Karma is a bitch or karma will get him/her. As momentarily satisfying as the thought may be- this is not dharma.

In Zen Buddhism dharma is basically cause and effect. Karma itself is neutral...neither good or bad. It simply is. Nothing mystical. Nothing personal. Not something we can wish on others. We are only responsible for our own.  Like everything else in life- karma is just another tool for learning.

 Example:

We leave our car unlocked in a large city.

We come back and our personal items have been stolen.

(...this is our dharma...)

and maybe we have learned to lock our doors.  (this is our lesson)

The thief may later be arrested as stealing is a crime.

(...that would be his/her dharma...)

and perhaps it will teach him/her not to steal. (this is his/her lesson)


Do all thieves get caught?  No.

But it is not of our concern. Our lesson is locking the doors.  Any thoughts on the subject further than our lesson is just another attempt to micro-manage the world...which is impossible.

Not FAIR...you say...

Remember...FAIR is a place to get elephant ears, taffy apples and cotton candy.

Fair is rarely synonymous with reality. If we stop looking for fair...we will be much happier in life.


Embrace dharma...and be grateful for the life-lessons it gives us.

Happiness

The Buddha shares a sutta of a man who came demanding happiness.



"I Want Happiness" he said loudly. His demeanor anything but happy.

Still The Buddha replied, "Follow me."

First, instructed The Buddha...you must drop the "I"...because that is ego.

Next...you must drop the "Want" as that is attachment and desire.

Then you will find that all you have left is Happiness.
                     
                                          ___________________


Yes...hard as it is to believe...at this very moment we have everything we will ever need or want to be happy.

It is the "being happy" that we need to practice.

Learn to turn off life's incessant wants.

Learn to look for the little things in life...for they are the big things.

Learn that everything and everyone is impermanent. 

Learn that all we have at any given moment is the moment itself.


Smile...and give one to others if their's is missing.

Give and Receive Love.

Don't try to be a perfect copy of someone else...be yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to others. It serves no purpose.

Practice compassion...for others and yourself.



 Be Happy!

Simple Pleasures

Just wanted to share:

Simple Pleasures.  (Sarah's list)

Life Rules for Happiness:

Cultivate Gratitude.

Take an hour out of each day for solitude.

Begin and end each day with prayer, meditation or reflection.

Keep it Simple.

Keep your house picked up.

Don't Over-schedule.

Strive for realistic deadlines.

Never make promises you can't keep.

Allow an extra half hour for everything you do.

Create quiet surroundings at home and work.

Go to bed at 9:00 twice a week.

Always carry something interesting to read.

Breathe- Deeply and often.

Move- walk, run or dance, everyday.

Drink pure spring water- lots of it.

Eat only when hungry.

If it's not delicious, don't eat it.

Be instead of do.

Set aside one day a week for rest and renewal.

Laugh more often.

Luxuriate in your senses.

Always opt for comfort.

If you don't love it, live without it.

Let Mother Nature nurture.

Don't answer the telephone during dinner.

Stop trying to please everybody.

Start pleasing yourself.

Stay away from negative people.

Don't squander precious resources: time, creative energy, emotions.

Nurture friendships.

Don't be afraid of your passions.

Approach problems as challenges.

Honor your aspirations.

Set achievable goals.

Surrender expectations.

Savor beauty.

Create Boundaries.

For every yes, let there be a no.

Don't worry. Be Happy.

Remember, happiness is a living emotion.

Exchange security for serenity.

Care for your soul.

Cherish your dreams.

Express love every day.

Live in the moment.

Guaranteed to change your life!

Self-Care

There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub.            Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


During our lives we care for many. Our children...perhaps our spouses...our parents...their parents...possibly our grandchildren...pets...and the list goes on and on.

During a similar time mid-life I read a poem that spoke volumes to me...the poem...First Fig: by Edna St. Vincent Millay

 "My candle burns at both ends...it will not last the night...but oh my foes and oh my friends...it gives a lovely light."

Many of us spread ourselves so thin...burning our candles at "both ends" that all too soon our lovely light is extinguished. We disappear.

Not physically, of course.

No- we are still here. But our light is gone.

We aren't just burnt...we are burnt out.  About as much fun to be around as the Battan Death March.

We can't care for anyone...if we refuse to care for ourselves.

In nursing we were alloted so many (paid) Mental Health Days. Encouraged to take a short break every few months to recharge.

Think back to the last time you allowed yourself time to recharge.

Today...take the time to step outside yourself.  If you saw a friend or co-worker who was frazzled what advice would you give them?

Think about what you do for everyone else on a daily basis...and try to extend that same level of love, care and support to yourself.

Change your scenery...if you truly can't organize a "getaway" at least treat yourself...gather a few items and lower the lights and take your own spa bath...indulge in a facial or a manicure or a pedicure or massage...paint your toenails...try a new hairstyle...indulge in that chocolate sundae...remember a long lost passion and renew it- whether it be painting or writing or photography or ?

Do something to re-capture the essence of you.


Today!




love and light,


Carla

 

Love

                             


Love  (noun) [lhuv]

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend, animal or thing.

3.Sexual passion or desire.

4. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

So much for the dictionary. 

  

We know what it feels like...and what the loss of it feels like...and we toss the term about freely...we love our parents...our kids...our siblings...our spouse or lover...the dog or cat...but we also love ice cream...and the latest novel by our favorite author...the perfect sweater we bought last week...and barbecued ribs!

Yes, we certainly know how to love.

Or do we?

Over thirty years ago I heard a definition I thought summed LOVE up pretty well when a friend/lover told me: 

"Love...is when someone else's needs become greater than your own." 

Many years later another friend/lover would teach me that:

"Love has very little to do with the way you feel about someone...and EVERYTHING to do with the way they make you feel about yourself."

And in the 18 years of my marriage (and death of my husband) I learned that love can be forever. Beyond the grave.

And that all three statements are essentially true.

I know what love isn't.  It isn't selfish...or a declaration of ownership...or hateful...or vindictive...or conditional...or controlling... it is not to be taken for granted or withheld...or used as a tool to get what we want...it isn't battering or abusive no matter how sorry they are the next day...it isn't 50%-50%...and it sure as hell isn't never having to say you are sorry. It isn't perfect. It is a process. 


Forget about love being a noun. Love is a verb. Living and growing as we live and grow.

Who should we love?

EVERYONE

Our family/lovers/friends...ourself...our neighbors...the postman and clerk and the people that make up our daily round...the stranger on the street...those we have not met and those we will meet...even our enemies. Perhaps our enemies need our love and light most of all. 

Does it happen overnight?

No.

Will it always be accepted? 

Probably not.

   
 But as the Buddha teaches, the acceptance or rejection is not of our concern. We have no control over the accepting. We only have control over the giving.

We all carry love and light within. We have only to shine.

 

 

 

        

Gratitude

         If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," 
                                                                                           that would suffice.           
                                                                                                                    ~Meister Eckhart



Gratitude. 


When our children are young we take time to teach them to say "thank you". Even if it is that homemade knitted sweater from Aunt Mona that they wouldn'tbecaughtdeadwearing.
They say thank you because it isn't about some lumpy bumpy sweater that the cat will find delightful in its basket. The thank you is for the love...the effort...the hours spent...the smile on Auntie's face when the receiver of her handiwork finds something...anything to compliment about the gift.

                                 "Fuchsia and Turquoise...the colors are just so beautiful and bright, Aunt Mona!"


And as they leave...hugs all around...the kids are smiling...Auntie is smiling...and when the sweater lines the cat's basket...well...the cat will probably be smiling, too.  Cat's aren't nearly as fashion conscious as 12 year olds.

 Later...as life gets more complex...gratitude...for many is tossed by the wayside...much like the fuchsia and turquoise sweater.  


Gratitude replace by grumbles. 


And make no mistake about it...we know how to grumble...only too well. The steak isn't done enough...the coffee is cold...it is too hot or too cold...we are too fat or too thin...and we never have enough...enough love...enough attention...enough money...enough time...and the list goes on forever. 

Today...let's try to refocus.

 Breathe.


Instead of honing in on our self-perceived failures...disappointments...losses...take the time to reflect on all the things that we truly have to be grateful about. 

Picture a large pink translucent bubble. 

Perhaps we begin with our families, our children, our friends & the people we love, our health, our furry or scaly or finned friends, a roof over our head, the food in the pantry,  and our bubble of gratitude expands...expands to envelop the waitress that served our morning coffee...the lady that cuts our hair...the guy that delivers the mail.


Now imagine that the pink bubble's capacity to expand is infinite. 

That, with a little imagination, reflection and effort we can be grateful for
everything...and share that gratitude...that warm feeling...a smile with every living being we encounter. 


That is easy to say...but what about the difficult people? Those who just rub us the wrong way...or have betrayed us...or injured us...or we just plain don't like? 


Even they deserve our gratitude. Even if it is only for the lesson learned. Perhaps they need our love and light even more. Like Aunt Mona's sweater.  




Practice with your pink bubble today...