Patience

We want Patience.

The problem is...we want it right this very minute...

If you are nodding, I suspect you see the irony, too.
There are days when this is all of us.


Patience...much like enlightenment is exactly like the watched pot.


"Is it boiling yet?"

An excerpt out of my favorite book on the subject reads:

"Just about every mistake I have ever made and every unkind word I have ever spoken might have been avoided if I had been more patient"
                                                                                          Allan Lokos

In reflection...I find this to be quite true. 

The good news is that we hold the key to patience within us. 

When we begin to feel the annoyance...the aura of impatience...the first thing we need is our ever-present mental stop sign.

 
then our Cleansing Breath...and maybe a count to five.




This is part of learning self-control...Mindfulness instead of being Reactionary.

Take the moment to reflect:

1. Is this really worth the energy I am about to expend.

2. Is my annoyance/anger/rage going to change the outcome in the slightest or just give me ulcers, wrinkles and a headache.

3.  Re-frame.  Is the waitress, sales-clerk or other driver having a bad day or a crisis of their own? Maybe.

4. Is there a way to learn from this experience and focus on something more positive?

5.  Can I see the humor in the situation? Humor is a great diffuser.


Of course, we are human. There are always going to be moments that we lose it.
I am sure Jesus, The Buddha...Ghandi and the Dalia Lama all had/have moments of impatience. Personally...I like to envision all of them sitting around exchanging stories and bitching about their day...their followers. Try it sometime and see it if doesn't make you laugh out loud.

I like the quote made by a 93 year old professional cellist who practiced several hours every day

                              "I'm think I am making Progress!"

With practice (and don't we all get innumerable opportunities during the course of even a single day) maybe we can also

                                         Make Progress





 love and light,


       Carla

Reframe

 

This photograph represents "re-framing" to me.

I love photography and have enjoyed it for many years. During my earlier photo-treks in life there wasn't much I wouldn't do or place I wouldn't climb, hike, wade,or trespass to get the shot I had already "framed" in my head. 

Then Cancer Arrived.

And suddenly remaining ambulatory seemed much more important than if I would ever be able to climb down for that amazing waterfall shot.

During a long period of adaptation/adjustment

there were days that I wondered if I would

ever be able to enjoy photography again.

Then Spring and Summer arrived.

And while I worked on 

continuing to stand

and

walk

(all those little things we take for granted)

I decided if I couldn't make it out there

for my photography

I would just 

build something

at home.

That was the beginning of the

Butterfly Garden.

A small corner that I planted sunflowers and zinnias 

and sat melon rinds and cut oranges

and spread a nearby quilt

and sat

and waited.

The fellow above spend a half hour posing

and having his lunch.

From tiny periwinkle-colored flappers

to beautiful Monarch and Swallowtails

and (of course) the sunflowers as they

bloomed I clicked away after finishing 

my physical therapy.

That summer with the help of hundreds of butterflies and flowers I learned to practically apply the concept of re-framing. 

Re-framing isn't ignoring the situation at hand.

Re-framing is taking a difficult situation

and looking at it in a new angle.

Asking ourselves

How can I turn this Negative into a Positive 

The morning the yellow Zebra 

stopped by

I also got to

see something I had never

seen before

maybe I had never taken the time

as I watched his upper flaps 

raise slowly

then lower

Anyway...I wanted to share it with all of you :)

A Genuine Butterfly Stretch!

Learn to Re-Frame

Find YOUR Butterfly Moment.

Permission

Throughout life we experience both the roles of asking for permission and permission granter.

Sometimes in the same day.

We may ask our boss for the day off...then return home to say yes to the child or grandchild who asks for a cookie before dinner.

Today we need to take the role to a different level. 

Today, we need to grant ourselves permission.

 To heal.

 To not be perfect.

 To be human.

To lift our mental stop-signs and "whang" the inner voices and self doubts and naysayers of our past squarely on their critical little heads.

Most times we are our own worst critics.  If our friends or boss said some of the things that we say to ourselves internally...well we wouldn't be friends for long and certainly would be looking for different employment.

Today...be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission. Give yourself acceptance. Love. Be your own cheerleader.

There are many in the world who will be happy to be negative, judgmental, rain-on-your parade...don't join in.

Lao Tzu reminds us

"Be Content with what you have; Rejoice in the way things are. When you realize nothing is Lacking, the Whole World belongs to you."

Change

Change.

 I like to keep a matted print of Mt. Saint Helen and Spirit Lake at home to remind me that everything changes. Even great snow-covered mountains, and lakes that seemed at the time unchangeable. On May 18, 1980 with an explosion the equivalent of 24 megatons of thermal energy and an estimated 3.7 billion cubic yards of superheated mud (pyroclast) sliding down its fractured side…60,000 trees were flattened as a result of the pressure of the blast.…the Mountain was forever changed and the Lake lost…most of it disappearing into what is now a mudflat. Fifty-seven lives were lost...250 homes buried or burned, 47 bridges, 15 miles of railways, and 185 miles of highway were destroyed. A veritable domino effect of change.

Significant change affects us much the same. Think back to the last earth-shattering change in your life. We stand at first uncomprehending…disbelieving. Paralyzed. Unable to move.

Slowly we survey the damage. Move gingerly. Acknowledging we have survived. Blinking we scan the area around us for others who have survived, as well. 

Are you a survivor too?

Day by day we work to assimilate the latest change into the landscapes of our lives...not easy picking through the pieces. Digging several feet through the muck...then the rains come again...and make no mistake...they always do...

But then, much like Mt. St Helen…one day we see tiny green sprigs and even tinier flowers beginning to fill in the bleak landscape. Life…creeping back in amidst the devastation.

No...not the same mountainside...it will never again be the same mountain again ..not the same lake. 

A new landscape...and with it a new beginning.

Impermanence

                                                    "love and light"


Started to write an entirely different meditation this morning...but then LIFE happened. 

A single call followed by many more...a cascade of e-mails...tears...disbelief.

A daughter of a Texas friend (Erin) letting us know there had been a terrible accident. Ed was dead...his wife in critical condition...a coma...very little chance of survival.

Just like that.

A blink of an eye.  Gone.

Ed...who would debate politics with you till the longhorns came home...who was there in the trenches with us when Bill was diagnosed with leukemia...who celebrated his remission with us...who called devastated when his brother was diagnosed months later with the same and we were there for him...and then he died. Ed who was there for me when Bill lost his battle with leukemia...and later the same year when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer I was there for him...and (now) our group around 130 or so musicians...friends who through the years have became extended family...who now rally to help Erin as she survives this terrible tragedy.


No chance to say goodbye...or get things in order


Just a trip to town...like so many trips to town.

                          Never to return.

It underscores the impermanence that is life and everything around us.
 
Nothing remains unchanged. Not mountains or rivers or oceans or stones...and certainly not people.

Life is far too short and fragile to do anything but love one another during our time here.

Love and Light,

Carla

Crisis and Grief

                            Art Therapy: Debris- What Cancer Leaves Behind


Crisis strikes all of us in life. None of us will pass through life without knowing death or grief.


Buddha once told a sutta (parable) of a woman who brought her dead son to him...begging him to cure her dead child. 

The child was two days dead.

Others thought the woman was mad with grief...but the Buddha simply said

"To cure your son, I shall require only a mustard seed. It cannot be a common mustard seed, however. It must be from a home in the village where no one has known death."

For the first time in two days the woman laid her son at the Buddha's feet...and ran to the village...going from door to door frantically searching for a household which had not seen death.

At each door she encountered

"...my father passed only two weeks ago..."

"...I lost my brother to the war..."

"...both the twins died of the cold a day apart..."

"...she slipped from the path and fell to the boulders below..."
 
"...was executed..."

 A cold rain had began to fall...and muddied the woman knelt in the path...all the while murmuring

"My son is dead."

And at each door she had begged for the mustard seed she realized that they too had experienced grief, death and loss.

When she returned to the Buddha she found him sweeping wood-shavings  from the floor.

"Oh Gatama...how selfish was my grief" she cried. I went from family to family and house to house. There were no homes without loss."

And with that she began preparations to bury her son.

 Enlightened.

And the Buddha continued to sweep the floor.

When faced with crisis/death or grief...it is helpful to remember...although we believe our circumstances to be singular and unique they are part of life. The human condition.

No one escapes them.

Some earlier...some later...but all will face crisis in their lives.

One of the most futile questions is why...

Of course there is a physiological reason. But usually that is not the why we seek.
We seek:

Why us?

Why now?

Why him or her?


Breathe. These questions are unanswerable and only prolong suffering and pain...

Worse than that...they prevent healing.


If our leg is broken and we are told to stop bearing weight for particular amount of time for it to heal properly...do we continue to walk on it?


Of course not.

And yet when our very core is torn apart...we often sit and replay the events leading up to the trauma...the internal tape...over and over in a continuous loop. We neglect ourselves, our health, continuing to focus on the horrible event.

An alternative.

Breathe.

Meditate.

Embrace our loss or crisis. Feel the pain. The loss.

Cry.  Rage. Cry some more. Cry until you have no more tears.

Then remind yourself that these feelings are shared by many...that all experience loss...

And use your "mental stop-sign".

Breathe

Re-focus.  Perhaps focus outward to others in need.

Re-focus on taking care of yourself.

Re-focus on life and the moment.

And give yourself permission to heal.

Do not regret or engage in guilt. Do not ask why. There is no answer that would satisfy you. Acknowledge that.

Embrace the good...sift away the bad...


This is the Path to Healing.

Control

Is there any concept that frustrates us more than Control?



We think we have it. Or lack it. Or want it. Or demand it.

                  (...the sound you hear are the gods laughing...)

Take a handful of water or sand and squeeze tightly. Observe how quickly it slips through your fingers.

This is our Control.

Even more maddening may be...the tighter we grasp...the more we attempt to control...the less influence we actually have.

Control of another person, a situation, or another's response is impossible.

The only person we control is ourselves.


The only control we have over a situation or an event is our response (or lack of response) to it.

We can influence others. We can add options to their decisions. We can create positive or negative outcomes to those same decisions. But we cannot control anything or anyone. 

We do, however, have an amazing amount of power (control) available to us every moment of the day.

Our Attitude.

Our Response.

Our Happiness.

We need only to utilize it!


Try it today...give up the attempt to micro-manage the world...and feel the Absolute Power of managing yourself.



 

Anger

In Buddhism we are taught that

Anger is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die.

Is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at another- we are the one who ends up being burned.

In life we know that it

Gives us wrinkles. 


And still...often we persist in walking around burnt to a crisp...waiting for the other guy to die...and wrinkled.

 Go figure. 

No matter what the occasion from being cut off in traffic, an intentional slight, or a betrayal or injury what we must remember is that we control nothing but our reaction to the situation. 

A Zen Koan tells us of two Buddhist monks walking after a rainstorm. When they reach the creek a beautiful woman is standing at the washed away footbridge in tears.

Without hesitation the elder monk picks the woman up and carries her through the waist-deep water...gently lowering her to the ground on the other side...then continues along the way.

As the two monks proceed along the path...the younger becomes more and more agitated...finally in his frustration he spat at the older monk

"We are not even suppose to gaze upon a woman...yet you actually picked that beautiful woman up and carried her across the creek."

"This is true" replied the elder "And yet when I came to the other side...I sat her down. Why are you still carrying her?"




So many travel through life collecting every slight, hurt, injustice as they go along. 


We recognize them by the way they wander through...leaving their tales of life's unfairness like a trail of garbage in their wake to all who will willingly (or unwillingly) listen.

For the record. Fair is a place you get cotton-candy, caramel apples and elephant ears.  

Life is neither fair or unfair. Life is indifferent. It is how we perceive our circumstances.

 Our attitude.

 Our responses.

In short, our life is exactly what we make it.

Life can resemble the old woman from The Labyrinth bent and cluttered with a collection of everything she has encountered-

Or we can envision one by one laying our burdens down.

The Buddha said  "Every day is a new beginning. Every day we are reborn."

Today ask yourself

"What am I STILL carrying?"







 

Meditation

Meditation is just another tool along the Zen Path.

It isn't about sitting in an uncomfortable position...or chanting...or being mystical.

Meditation is also (surprise) about mindfulness.

Meditation can be done sitting in the traditional lotus...or walking...or standing...or even lying down.  It can be done in a silent place or in the midst of a rock concert.

When we meditate we clear our minds.

We focus first on our breathing. In. Hold. Exhale. Some beginners count breaths.

Thoughts will, of course, flow through...like bright yellow inner-tubes on a lazy river. Do not embrace them. Do not judge them (good or bad)...do not attempt to fix problems at this point...just let them flow through...then let them swirl out of sight.

It takes practice and there is no right or wrong way to mediate. Everyone can meditate.

I enjoy meditating when I first wake up and just before I go to bed...or when walking in nature.  Your preference may differ. 

At the end of a meditation I often envision a white healing light enveloping me from the head down...healing and cleansing. After meditation and this guided imagery I feel complete relaxation and stress-free.  In the morning it gives me a clear head as I begin the day and often I find it assists with decisions to be made later.

Walking Meditation (kinhin) is not only a way to clear your mind...but actually helps in problem solving and is physically and emotionally therapeutic as well.  Ideally 20 minutes to an hour...but even a pre-dinner stroll around the block if done mindfully can be kinhin.

Stop
Breathe
Meditate


Namaste

Carla

Mindfulness

Zen can be distilled to its essence in a single word: Mindfulness.

                                         Being present in the moment. 

Every day we process millions of bits of data. Being mindful is focusing on the moment at hand. Often we zoom about multi-tasking...fretting over past or future events...that we miss the here and now.

Mindfulness can be as simple as focusing on your first morning cup of coffee...the aroma...the taste...the warmth of the stoneware mug in your hands...or as complex as reading an instruction manual and assembling your first Graco baby-swing. It is completely focusing on the moment/task at hand. 

At first it seems artificial...we are immersed/programmed in a world of "gotta do more-got to be more" thinkers.  At the office we might eat lunch at our desk while putting the finishing touches on a project and catching up with an old friend on our phone...At home we may do the laundry while cooking supper and helping with homework and talking to our teenage daughter...all while listening to our favorite music and thinking about which outfit to wear to brunch tomorrow.

Try it anyway.

Pick a moment.

 Relax.

 Breathe.

 Now use all 5 of your senses to explore that moment.   That is focus. Mindfulness. Being present.

Centering:

Here in the real world, of course, we do not always have the luxury of time and multi-taking may be a necessity in your life. I know as a Nurse, it certainly was mine. But focus/mindfulness can bring order to chaos.

Remember Marie?

Mindfulness gives us a way to "Center". If not stop time, at least slow it down for a moment.

                                      (...a mental stop-sign...)


Some people actually find it helpful to envision a large red stop-sign at this point.

"The Cleansing Breath"

Sure, we all know how to breath...but the "cleansing breath" is a bit different. You have just raised your mental stop-sign...now breathe.

Inhale through your nose filling your lungs to capacity.

Hold it for a count of three.

Now exhale slowly through your mouth.

Repeat. 

You will feel your stress level and heart rate drop. This is a good thing.

Anytime you need to raise the stop-sign remember to take a cleansing breath. It will help develop a signal to your brain/body that it is time to re-center...focus. 

Today...practice with your stop-sign and your breathing.

Zen and Now

Embraced Zen Buddhism in January 2008, much the same way Wile E. Coyote grasped his little "help" sign when he (repeatedly) plunged off a cliff in the Warner Brothers cartoons. 

With my personal health, professional, financial, emotional and married life in shambles...there was no balance in my life.  Everything seem to be precariously near the edge of the abyss. 


Sometimes when you look in the abyss...the abyss looks back at you. 


Let me tell you about Marie.

Marie was a nursing assistant who was part of my team at a long term health-care center in Summer of 1993.  As a nurse on their Skilled Care Unit we had our share of "extreme moments".

In one crisis moment...during a patient's aortic aneurysm...I noticed that whereas several staff members were falling apart Marie was the small calm Center of the Universe. Later, after I had wrote an accommodation to be placed in her employee file; we spoke about her amazing ability to focus and remain calm during the emergency.

Marie introduced me to Zen Buddhism. 

After our many talks, she and I moved on professionally. Lost contact. To be honest...I didn't give it much more thought.  Until the time when my center begin to crumble. 


And I thought about Marie. Quiet...self-assured...unflappable Marie.

It is now 2012 and I have been on this Path for nearly 5 years.

                               It has changed my Life.


Christians talk a great deal about being reborn.

January 2008 was the beginning of my New Life. 

Marie, wherever you are now...sending you love and light.