If Mindfulness is the key to Happiness...then Expectations are the key to Unhappiness.
In Buddhism expectations may also be referred to as desires or attachments.
It is difficult to retrain our mind to not expect. Many of us live long lives of expectations. Great expectations. We expect to expect.
It is a vicious circle.
The unhappiness (suffering) that is caused by unmet expectations is great.
Often even if our expectations are met...the reality is often anti-climatic and we feel a loss.
Today we will explore letting go of expectations.
First holding up our mental stop sign we we feel one approaching.
Expectation and anticipation are different creatures. You can anticipate a wonderful adventure or a beautiful day with the family. When you expect it...it takes on a slight edge...an entitlement.
Realize to "expect" anything, requires a degree of control that we simply do not possess.
Learn to let go. Let life happen. Often if we let go and let life happen we open up to possibilities we never knew.
Embrace the rain and the sunshine...both are necessary for growth.
Take a moment to explore how others feel when we expect of them. Whether it be our friends/family/children or spouse. How would we feel if instead of dinner on the table being appreciated and anticipated...it was expected.
Does take the joy right out of throwing on the old apron doesn't it?
When we expect from others...they feel much the same.
As a nurse I saw this with the elderly more times than you could imagine. Grown children who juggled schedules to visit...only to be met with half hour grumbles about
"Why can't you be more like Louise's children...they stop by twice a week and last week they bought flowers and candy?"
-then the conversation turns to a litany of complains/aches/pains and grumbles or old family issues-
And by the time the Adult Child leaves they are exhausted. Hell...by the time they leave I am exhausted, too.
And then Mom or Dad will look at me...tears glistening in their eyes and say
"I don't know WHY they don't visit more often."
Really?
And the saddest part of all is that they "really-don't-get-it". Many of them never get it.
And playing Devil's Advocate for a moment...the grown kids have their unrealistic expectations, too. Instead of seeing the frail often physically and emotionally drained person in front of them- they keep seeing or searching for the Mom or Dad that once was...and it is frustrating for everybody.
Today's lesson:
Stop expecting and start living in the now...enjoy life as it unfolds...love people for who they are...not how we wish them to be...
